Hair, greying but still in good condition. I used to like Peter Criss and his “salt and pepper hair”. Good voice too, “Beth I hear you calling….”, but not impressive as a drummer. He is still better than Phil Rudd, the latter sounding no better than a rhythm machine stuck at the simplest setting… Albums and albums long. One of the reasons why I’m not a big fan of AC/DC. I’m not sure if they’ll be devastated to read this. Another Phil (Collins) said in an interview, when asked what he had wished he had, said (touching his scalp) “more of this” and (touching his gut) “less of this”. I would give all my hair and take all his gut to play the drums as he does. My downstairs neighbours would have loved that. Not that they knew Phil Collins, but they knew this teenager playing on the floor just above them. In retrospect I feel sorry for all the times they had to endure me practicing Exit… Stage left, the whole album from The Spirit of Radio to La Villa Strangiato. Only they would hear me butchering the drum parts while I felt like I was playing just like Peart listening to the album on the headphones. Peart must be spinning in his grave. Not sure of those poor nonagenarian neighbours. Too little, too late.

Short hair now after 15 years. When I had it long, I liked the Morty/Einstein look too, but the family disagreed. Comb hair immediately after shower and you have an older Andy Garcia and it dries to match my Bitmoji. Don’t comb and let it dry by itself, here’s Morty. I’m quite happy with the (much) shorter version, people thought I had the nits when they saw me with the short version. To be fair, it was a bit shorter than I had expected, but then it grows, doesn’t it?

No bald patch, so even with the wild long hair version, I couldn’t be Morty. I’ll limit the similarity to intelligence. I hereby solemnly, irrevocably and proactively exonerate my wife for suffocating me with a pillow if I become bald on top and resort to the “thatched roof” style to cover it. Seriously, wear a toupee, one can still tell it is not your original hair, but at least it looks more, hair-ish? Or shave your head, Skinheads have been out of fashion for decades. Easy on the booze though, or people will call you Phil Mitchell. I’d rather be likened to Jack Branning. For one, you can understand when he talks, unlike Max.. Max requires subtitles. Max the fornicator. Do the producers of Eastenders have a project team to determine who he’ll sleep with next? Does someone an Excel file for Max, Ian, Jack (even Jack!) on how many relationships they had in the square? Easy to summarise Eastenders to a beginner though, they all have affairs with each other’s wives, husbands, sisters, sons, daughters, brothers, distant cousins, sometimes all at the same time, there are always secrets and as the episodes go everyone knows about them except for those who will be directly affected if the secret is revealed. Inevitably it is revealed of course…So, until the next affair, illegitimate child or secret, doof doof doof.

The good thing about wearing your hair short is that you don’t have to dry or style it. Got to have it trimmed regularly to avoid looking like Pugsley, just that…