Greying and in good condition. Not abundant, no Leonidas here but I do have one. Not that I would like to be Leonidas. A real six-pack wouldn’t hurt. Might have the urge to shave it one day, one day in the distant future. Yes, just like the typical Turkish lie of having blond hair when we were young, I did have a six-pack 20 kilos ago. I am (and was) hardly someone you could call lanky.

Born weighing 5.8 kilos one sunny August morning following eleven hours of labour (my poor mum), I was rather chubby until high school, but hang on, the beard was the topic, so more about the fat kid later.

Alexander the great forbade his soldiers to have long beards, not because of discipline, but rather because long beards served as handles for enemy soldiers in the battlefield to lift poor Alexandrian soldiers’ heads and slash their throats. Makes sense. Must be a very bad way to die. But after all, is there an easy way? Dying in your sleep maybe. My mum died in her sleep, just as she had wished, but a couple of decades too soon.

Now, the beard. I’m not very hairy, and this was a bonus during military service. I could go for a week without a shave and no, the drill sergeants do not run cotton pads on your face to see if you shaved properly, it is a myth. Maybe in the presidential guard they do. But I was too short to even be considered for that regiment. Now, I find it easier to let it grow and I trim it every week, it isn’t sparse, but again, no Leonidas either.